An update/A quick word on the Will of God.

 It's been a long while since I have updated my blog, so I am long overdo. A lot has happened over the last couple years, so I am going to catch my readers up. This post will lay out some of my recent testimony and also some hard lessons I have learned about the will of God. 

As my readers likely know, I recently returned to John 3:16 ministries after about a year and half of graduating. I was able to gain a new understanding of the depths of God's grace after trying to live a Christ centered life as a recovering alcoholic. 

I was doing "good" for a while, but like so many other people, the pressures of the world began to pile up. I felt like I wasn't making enough money to survive, so even though I had a job around other Christian men that could hold me accountable, I began looking for a higher paying job. I quickly put my relationship with Jesus on the back burner in order to pursue a new career. Things didn't immediately fall to pieces, however I did have a couple of slip ups. I was able to pull myself out of them and get back on track. I was able to get a great job, and before long I had my own place again. All the while, I was being very selfish with my time. I was attending church occasionally, and rarely going to CR meetings. 

As you all may know, my addiction really grew hair shortly after divorcing Lesle, and I had prayed for reconciliation with her throughout my time at the ministry as well once I had graduated. I hadn't spoken to her hardly at all since the divorce, but one day in April of 2021 she reached out to me and we got together and started talking. We spoke a lot over the course of the weekend and found out very quickly that we were in a place in our lives where we thought it would be a good idea to get remarried since we were both sober now. She spent a week in the hospital the week after we got back together because she had a kidney infection that had gotten out of control, and she had become septic. The hospital stay went well, and while she was there, I was up there with her every day. We had a lot of time to speak and decided to get re-married on our original wedding date. We were very excited to be starting this new chapter of our lives, and I thought for sure this was finally an answered prayer for me. She was released from the hospital that following Monday, and she was back at my apt. She was still weak, but she was getting better every day. That Thursday night, we were hanging around the house and watching TV, and she suddenly had a seizure. I won't go into all the details, but I will say that she stopped breathing and between me and the paramedics, she was without oxygen for over 10 minutes. She was on a ventilator after that, and then passed away on 5-5-21 just a couple weeks after we reconciled. 

I was completely devastated, and my faith was completely shaken. Instead of leaning on God, I turned from Him in anger, and what little bit of a relationship I had with Him was destroyed. I began suffering from PTSD from the ordeal in my apt, and I still wanted to avoid alcohol or anxiety meds, so I decided to get a medical marijuana card. That worked for a short time, but as I began spending more and more money at the dispensary, I began to think that it would be cheaper to just drink moderately to help myself sleep. Needless to say, shortly after that, my life was in ruins again. I began thinking that I needed to go back to John 3:16 and repair my relationship with God, but I thought that as long as I had my job, car, and apt, I still had time to get myself straight. Within a couple of months, I had lost all three and God had me backed into a corner again. I didn't understand this at the time, but this was the providential will of God at work in my life.

I finally got back to John 3:16 thanks to Coach Steve Garmrath, and began repairing my relationship with Christ again. I wanted to understand why Lesle was taken from me in the way that she was, and I began studying what The Word had to say about living in the Will of God. I focused very hard on this, and quickly came to the understanding that I may never have an answer to that question.

I know that I should have stayed on as an Instructor at John 3:16 the first time I went through, but I wanted to do what I wanted to do, and decided to leave, and here I was 2 1/2 years later right back where God wanted to use me. After a few months at the ministry, Bryan allowed me to stay on as an instructor, and I began a new chapter in my walk with Christ. That was taking the things that I went through in my life along with the things that God's word had taught me, and use those to show other men how to follow Christ. It was an incredibly fulfilling calling, and I had a great year at John 3:16.

After some health problems and some prayer I decided it was time to leave the ministry. However, I had decided that the last thing I want to do again is to live outside the will of God. I sought wise counsel and came to the conclusion that I have the ability to overcomplicate it to the point of being petrified to make a move for fear of stepping out of His will. 

I was able to come to the understanding that all I have to do is to live for Him and He will use me wherever I am at. I know that I am called to help other men find Christ. We are ALL called to make disciples, and that can be done anywhere you go. The thing is you have to put yourself around other men, and keep Jesus as the centerpiece to your life.

I am now living in a transition home, and I don't know yet how God is going to use me here, but I am confident that if I continue to seek Him and His kingdom, the rest will be revealed as I go along.

There are 3 types of the Will of God. 

Providential Will of God - These are the things that are going to happen regardless if you wish to take seek them or not.

Moral Will of God - Basic do's and don'ts that he lays out in The Bible

Personal Will of God - God's will for the personal aspects of your life.

The thing I have to remember is that the Will of God for my life is not laid out for me to see from beginning to end, because if I knew the details, I would find a way to put myself in the way and mess it up. For instance, God's word promises us tribulation even if we follow Him faithfully. If we were able to see those trials ahead of time, we would do everything we could to avoid them. All we have to do is the next right thing, and in the process of leading a Christ centered life, His will for us will be revealed as we need it. Instead of trying to figure out our life and future, we only need to live for Him today. Some days we might need to take that hour by hour, but we must keep our eyes on the cross daily and remember that we were given this day only to seek Him. Tomorrow is never promised to us.

I don't know the Personal Will of God for my life, and frankly, I don't need to know what it is for now. I am just so happy that I was given the opportunity to serve Him at John 3:16, and I'm thankful for the opportunity to live for Him today. I will be posting here at least once a week moving forward, and I will be sharing what I learned through my personal studies.

I just wanted to take a few moments to update everyone on what's been going on in my life.

I encourage my readers to participate and comment!