The first few years of my life was spent in Pocahontas, AR. My earliest memory is of my 3rd birthday party, when my mother and father were still married. Not much longer after that, their marriage ended in a rather nasty way. The details of the divorce aren't as important as what came after. Immediately after the divorce was final my mother married a man named David. David was a real monster. He was responsible for a lot of physical and verbal abuse. My mother and I lived with that abuse for years as we bounced from shelter to shelter, always to be found. I eventually wound up living with my father, and my mother eventually was able to leave his grasp as well.
As the years went on, I would say the rest of my childhood was rather normal. My dad worked a lot, and went to school, and my Memaw took up the slack when he worked. She taught me how to be Christian, which is something I carried with me until my late teenage years. I can't tell an event that took place that caused me to turn from the Lord. I think it was just me getting more and more caught up with the world. The more caught up in the world you are, the easier it is move away from God. My drinking problem really took hold in my mid twenties. My addiction wasn't something that developed overnight. It was a very gradual thing. Taking the place over the course of years. When my 2nd marriage ended in a divorce, I found myself living alone for the 1st time in my adult life. Boredom and loneliness led to me drinking just to pass the time. In addition to drinking, I also began to seek company in the form of a woman in my bed. With more sex, came more shame. With more shame, came more drinking. It was a vicious cycle and it was only beginning.
In 2015 an accident (not related to drinking) would change my life. I also lost my life, and ended up bedbound for months. I had the accident on the way home the morning after a date. The lady I was seeing the night before arrived at the hospital and offered to care for me while I was recovered. A romance blossomed from that, and as I got better, her Mother became ill. When her Mother was in Hospice she mentioned wanting to see her daughter get married. We loved each other, we couldn't see any reason not to, but it was a relationship born out of trauma. After her mother passed, we both spiraled out of control with drinking. We ended up going our separate ways, and she was able to put it down, and I spiraled even further down. I ended up going to a secular rehab, and I learned so much about the "disease". I learned I would always be an addict. I needed to attend meetings, and introduce myself as an addict for the rest of life. I was still living without God. I was doomed from the moment I walked out of the hospital. I lost my career upon leaving, but with a newfound sobriety, I managed to land the best career of my life only to lose it 1 month later after getting a DWI.
At that point, I lost my will to live completely. I burned through jobs every few months. I was a complete dog to women. I would talk women into sleeping with me only to hurt them. I was so filled with guilt and shame, that I just wanted to die. I went to work to draw a paycheck so I could afford liquor, and a place to drink it in. I was drinking in excess of a half-gallon of vodka per day. Still taking 6 mg of prescribed klonopin per night, as well as anti-depressants. I tried killing myself at least 3 times that I remember through those 2 years.
During this time in my life, I completely disregarded my two beautiful and perfect children. I tried to tear their mothers homes apart from the inside by sowing discord and lies. They had every reason to remove my kids from my life, but as you will see, the Lord had other plans.
The whole time my Mom begged me to get help at a faith based rehab. At this point in my life, I was openly speaking out against God. I was a professed Agnostic. I wanted no part of God or Religion. After my last suicide attempt, I woke up in the hospital to my mother crying for the last time. I couldn't fight it anymore, and I agreed to go to John 3:16.
I'm going to save the details about John 3:16 until tomorrow (my next blog post). Suffice it to say, I may have given up on God, but he didn't give up on me. HE delivered me from my alcohol addiction, and now I am a professed Child of God. My family is restored. My children are very happy to have their Father back. Both of their Moms were at my graduation, and still support me after all I put them through. It is all so much more than I deserve, and I am truly blessed to have these ladies, and my kids in my life.
I am so happy to say now that I am REDEEMED INDEED.
Pop back in tomorrow for a full write up on my residency at John 3:16 Ministry. The place (NOT REHAB!) that saved my life.
Thanks for reading!
I love you Ronnie. It was hard to watch your addiction take over your life only because I knew in my heart you were so much more than that. I knew you turned away from God because without Him, you could drink without accountability. But also without God, you opened the door for Satan and he walked through that door and took you down his dark path. God was the waiting for you the whole time and even though you didn't know it, I did. This is why I tried so hard to get you to go to John 3:16. I knew as soon as you caught a glimpse of God, you would find your way back to Him. I never stopped praying and He never stopped listening. Thank God you found your way out of that black hole. I love you Ronnie. You are going to do great things.
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